The evil maternity empire

I'm stubborn and picky, which can be a deadly combination when it comes to shopping. I decided that I needed to expand my maternity wardrobe. So after my hair appointment on Saturday I began my shopping mission after stopping for a cheeseburger at this tasty burger joint. I justified the burger 2 ways - 1, Stumpy needs Iron, 2, the burger joint I stopped at is really good and there isn't one near us (just near the hairdresser) so it won't be a regular occurrence. Then I got side tracked again and stopped at Babies R Us, but was so utterly overwhelmed by all of the baby products and over abundance of shoppers that I didn't last long in there.

When I finally made it to the mall, I headed to the maternity department in Macy's. It's a tiny department but there was a helpful (maybe too helpful) salesperson there to help me navigate. Maternity clothes are bizarre. It's said that one should buy one's pre-pregnancy size and that supposedly the items are cut to accommodate one's ever growing body. This is bull-honkey. First off, while some regular women's clothing is sized S, M, L, it isn't all that way. Pants, are a great example of this, they come in 2, 4, 6, 8, etc. But when you're pregnant your ass apparently spans 2 sizes (e.g. both an 8 AND a 10) instead of just one. So, don't expect anything to fit you too well. My next gripe, and it seems to just be with this particular store, is that the tops are not cut for women with ample breasts. What the hell is up with that? Did someone not inform them that many women's breast expand during pregnancy? I guess it doesn't matter what the label said, but it's not good for one's ego to have to size up two sizes (or should I say size ranges?) just to find a shirt where the cup doesn't runneth over. After suffering through many rounds of items brought to me by over eager saleslady, I ended up with a pair of jeans and a few tops.

I was pretty beat, but here's where my stubborn kicked in. I went to a further away mall because it has more maternity clothing store options and dammit if I wasn't going to hit all of the spots. The next spot had some nice things, but I decided they were too expensive. To boot, they seem to believe that all pregnant women are the same height as their pants were definitely not long enough for me nor did they have shorter lengths for shorter women. Yup, all pregnant women are 5'6." My next stop was two stores in one, and I found a couple of things there. My only beef with it was the number of moo moo inspired printed shirts in the one part of the shop. You know, because large printed flowers/designs in obnoxious colors are so flattering to the pregnant form.

I'm sure you're getting bored with the details of my adventures in maternity clothes shopping, so I'll wrap it up shortly and will skip talking about two of the stores I went in that were a complete disaster and move on to more positive notes. Gap, way to go with your maternity clothing, it's fairly well made, you have good sales, have normal sizing (2,4,6, short, long, regular) and don't have ugly clothes. Serious kudos for all that. I'm glad you were my final stop after all of my previous self torture. Too boot you had a cute baby item that I just HAD to purchase as well. 6 hours later and I felt satisfied with my haul. Needless to say my hair was a staticky mess after it all, but at least I ended up with some items that I feel good about. I just hope it doesn't take this long the next time I have to expand my wardrobe.

Because I have to get it out of my system I have one last gripe about maternity clothes in general. Please, maternity clothes sellers, consider a different selling cycle. I don't think you should be on the same selling seasons as regular clothing. I can't/don't want to buy too much in advance because I just don't know how my shape will shift in the coming months. T-shirts are of no use to me now, but I will want them in June/July and by then fall items will probably be out already. All in all poo on you maternity industry. I think you might be just as bad as the wedding industry on the evil scale.